Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
