i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
