Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
