my sisters under your porch take her home
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
