I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
