I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
