I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
