maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
