If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
