Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
