After last night, I could never be a politician.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
