Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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