Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
