toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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