and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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