Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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