fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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