i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
