I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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