two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
