I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I stole a fireplace last night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
