So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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