there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
