Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
