He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
