I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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