You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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