The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
