my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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