The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
