Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
