Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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