dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
