i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
