Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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