i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
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