worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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