Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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