idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
