Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
