Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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