why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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