So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
