I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
