I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
