i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
