just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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