i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
