I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
