I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize