I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
tell me about the eggs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
