i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
