i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
