I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
