Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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