where am i from again
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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