im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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