worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
