Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
