I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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