there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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