fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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