halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This baby is an asshole
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
