hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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