I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
