Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
