God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
