We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
