sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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