I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
