I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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