ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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