Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am one with the molecules
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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