Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
