In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
