i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
