It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
