Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
