I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
