Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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