the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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